Monday, 18 February 2013

Ups and Downs... Life

I often wonder if we knew what life had in store for us, how many of life's circumstances would really end up. 
If I knew what the past month had in store for me I am pretty sure I would have run away.
The past twelve months has been another roller coaster ride for me.  Not necessarily bad, but certainly fast and at times crazy.
We have been back in the shop for almost a year. Unbelievable.  It has been good.  Hard work.  But good.
We have plans to keep us striving for a lovely 'food' experience for our customers - at times I think we would all just love to run away, but we keep going.
It is lovely just mostly working with our family.  So far.  So good.
Our two week break came and went in beautiful Tasmania.  Maybe one day I will get a moment to share some of that here.  But that moment is not now.
While we were away - BJ's parents sold their home - we had asked them not to list it until we were all back on deck - this was not taken into consideration - and it sold straight away.
To say we are tired and exhausted, emotionally and physically is an understatement.
In the past month we have sorted, cleaned, shifted and packed 50 years of everything.  And I really and truly mean everything. 
And we are nowhere near having them into their retirement unit by a long shot.
I have been angry, then sad, then angry again.  I write tonight to try and get some of it clearer within my own being.  I'm not sure that getting it all out here will do that - but maybe just a little of it.
During this process we have been given a lot of very lovely pieces which we will treasure for ever - but the process of these pieces coming into my home with no time to rearrange and clean up is causing it's own anguish I am afraid.
I know there is a season for everything.  This season is ours to help these people move into the next phase of their life - albeit too early for them to have to consider dementia care - but it has happened and he will need care. 
Am I selfish?  I don't know.  Help has not been offered to me through all that has gone before.  I struggle with my 'doing the right thing' and the thought that I could have not done any of it. After all I am the daughter in law. Was it really my place?
Lots of words which I am not sure have lightened the heaviness which I feel. 
Three weeks to go of a seven week marathon - wow - what a house pack up it has been. 
Maybe there has been a very great lesson in life to be learnt from this experience -  I know I will continue to sort and disperse all things from my home that are neither useful nor beautiful to me.